Descriptive writing?

[jayroebuck]

Hello everyone, I recently wrote a short story and asked a very studious friend of mine read it and give me some feedback. I particularly wanted to know whether dialogue flowed or not. Instead he responded with, “this is far too descriptive”. Hmmm

I admit that my style of writing mirrors my preferred style of reading. I enjoy stories that give such great detail that you can almost smell the sage burning or hear the loons across the lake. Stories written in the fashion pull me in and I often find myself completely turning off the world around me.

I think the only way for anyone to give an opinion on this is for me to post a paragraph from a current story that I am writing. Although I am not sure if this is allowed or recommended. If it is fine with this forum, then I will post what I feel is writing that will suck you in ad have you wondering what the hell is going to happen next.

TY, Take care

[James]

Hi

Welcome, and go ahead, feel free to post your paragraph.

This forum isn't exactly the busiest out there, but hopefully SOMEBODY will read it and appreciate it 🙂

[jayroebuck]

Okay, here we go.

Dark water lapped the muddy shore of the Tahuayo River stirring the giant lily pads with an easy rhythm. Enormous palms lined the embankment, their torn fronds quivering in the wind, surrendering to malevolent hordes of sharp mandibles. Below, among the pale knots of roots, moved the slow and slimy things of the jungle, never more than a spasm away from the refuge of the water. Clicks and grunts swirled through the underbrush. wet, hairy, unbeknown beasts poked at the mud with wrinkled pink noses and rigid whiskers. A circus of the decayed, of the rotten, feeding on the paralyzed existence within this primordial soup.

Now, does this make you want to read more or do you want to throw it away? Honest feedback please. No sugar. lol

[James]

There is a definite skill in your writing. I wish I had that vocabulary.

BUT, it does become obvious to me (not to everyone) when an author is going overboard with the descriptions.

I guess if your descriptive writing carried on for a while, it might get hard/tiring to read, but I think it would all be dependant on what comes before/after this text.

Not sure about anybody else though 😀

[peteln123]

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